Since I was a child, I have heard people reply, “Once you fall in love, you’ll change your mind,” to my remarks on marriage and having kids. Meaning, that once I meet ‘the one’ I will change my wishes and life plans because there is nothing more crucial than conforming to our most sacred institution, the family.

Maybe it was growing up with divorced parents. Maybe I was born cynical. But I don’t believe in the concept of soulmates, as most people who believe in them do. I have yet to find the person who makes me want to drop everything to be with them. I am in no rush, to be honest. Finding ‘the one’ has never been my priority, which is strange because every little girl has been told that the most important thing they can do is fall in love and have a family of their own.

My upbringing has a lot to do with my notion of romance. I was raised by a single mom. My sister and I have been my mother’s priority ever since she and my dad separated. She didn’t date anyone when we were little because, between work and life, she had no time for romance. Plus, she wasn’t ready to trust anyone anytime soon, and the men who pursued her weren’t worth her time (her words, not mine). Growing up in a house where only women lived and where we didn’t need any men to complete our lives shaped my standards for dating. If I date someone, it is because they bring something valuable to my life that I didn’t have before. I didn’t watch my mom prioritize men and dating over us. I never learned to view romantic relationships as a necessity. I didn’t learn to ever settle for anything less than what I deserved. I owe my mom that.